^ (LONG EXPLANATION SO SORRY)
I’ve always thought and felt I’ve been ace but never really sure if I counted or not in the community. I’m straight (I think, I might actually be bi I have crushed on the same gender/sex before but it was a VERY long time ago and I don’t know if crushing on one person of the same gender counts or not as me being bi and I’m not really repulsed by the idea of being with someone of the same sex/gender) and I rarely ever (or if at all) feel sexual attraction towards real people. Like fictional guys (ex: fictional characters from tv shows or games that are or around my age that I think are cute and attractive) and even that is kinda rare. It’s usually like once a month/every other month and I haven’t at all recently had interest in it. I’m a bit sexually attracted to some tv show and game/comic book characters but in person I don’t get those feelings? Even towards other people I find attractive and or cute? Or it could just be out of respect for the real person I actually know? except for one time? The one time I did think sexually about someone I immediately felt super uncomfortable and stopped as quick as I could feeling creepy and uncomfortable. I wasn’t even doing anything physical just thinking nsfw thoughts. I’m not sure. I get uncomfortable when I see pda (even if it’s just my family or friends) sex scenes on tv and I have past trauma. Literally the other day some of my friends were joking about girls in bikinis and how I don’t get it (and I still don’t get it at all LOL) it really confused me. I’ve been like this for years even since before my trauma happened but always saw things online that made me go “oh shoot am I actually part of the community or not because I’m technically straight I think? But I might also be ace? Would I count?”And I just wasn’t really sure on possible specifics on what I could be/how I feel. it doesn’t matter the people’s genders/sex either. If it’s pda I’m kinda uncomfortable. If someone is joking with me or to someone else in front of me in a sexual way I’m uncomfortable. I crush on people and I’ll be attracted to them but I’m not saying “damn they’re hot! I’d totally sleep with them!” Most if not the entire time I’m saying “ok they seem kinda cute and I admire the way they look but I’m not turned on or anything” I rarely ever feel anything sexual besides what I’ve said before. always thought I’ve had a type to but that’s also been debunked to me recently and I haven’t been in a relationship before yet. It’s kinda tough because when I started realizing I didn’t feel the same way as other people, I realized that right before one of my traumatic events. Also some people keep telling me “wait until you’re in a relationship to see if you’ll feel the same way as you do now” and “oh you just feel that way because you’re young” like…if I’m not in my 20s….and if people in their 20s don’t have sex….I could also be Demisexual or something like that idk I was kinda hoping you guys could help me decipher it a bit lol
(this is also my first time on here so hello! :) sorry if I’m being gross or anything I hope not)